I want to go back to when my life was still as cinematic and simplified as a Gus Van Sant film. When the terrain of shopping centres was home turf and everything was fluorescent and pixellated and displayed in hyper-real hues on bulky digital-cameras and primitive mobile-phones. When existence was abbreviated and people wore braces and caked-on newly-discovered make-up and wore each other’s clothes (regardless of their ill-fit on their newly-developed bodies). Imitation converse sneakers and skinny-jeans and thinning scissors and failed-picnics and pseudo-parties where our first shots of alcohol were given equal parts a companion in a glass of Ribena and first kisses were delivered by friends of the same sex as an act of practice and we pierced each other’s ears and dyed each other’s hair and felt nothing beyond the most naive of young-pubescent emotions and the summer was agonisingly liquidly long and everything was interminable.
It was not just the carefree-state of our youth— it was the sense that everything was infinite. That life on Mars in familiar-yet-foreign malls would never end. This mythical period was a span of six-months at most. Sometimes, I misplace my sense of reality and forget that I’ll never be young again and that everyday I grow up and age.
“some people don’t say much
they are neither mute nor introverted
saying only what’s necessary
speaking only when courtesy demands it
floating on the surface of speech
this is how they are all their lives
summed up in a few phrases
some people live like epitaphs
long years reduced to a sentence or two
soberly like headstones they stand there
facing us”- Han Dong
(via veiledwavpv)
S’il vous plaît prenez toujours bien soin de vous. Je suis toujours là pour vous. Je suis toujours ici. S’il vous plaît garder en sécurité.
Your safety is what’s more important for me.
It’s when you whispered “Let’s go wherever you want” that she realised it wasn’t enough, that it’s never enough, that she wanted more, she needed more. It’s not about what you can give to her, not about what you can do for her, never about what you’ve got to offer but all about what you couldn’t and could never give to her and do and have for her.
To her, it’s more about what both of you don’t have. It’s more about the unseen, the invisible, the nonexistent. It’s more about the missing substantial things and the unheeded significant needs. It’s more about the forever in fornever, and the fornever in forever.
wherever you go, whoever you’re with, i always hope you’re smiling and happy…
Le toucher doux… votre soft touch… notre soft touch… Je m’ennuie de ceux-ci.
You touch the girl in the dark with the soft lips and sapless body and she whispers to your soul, “I love you.”
But you are too busy pushing hard and giving it to her to hear the soft words escaping her mouth.
It’s alright, though. She didn’t really mean what she said. It was only the force, the energy. It was only the rhythm, the heat.
…and then she’ll leave him in the morning. Like what she always does every time.
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday. <3
I know you’re never happy on your birthday. But this year I hope you are because you deserve to be, chere.
Best wishes.
Knowing Dareen is knowing life.
The thing is… I knew her. I knew her that’s why she left me and I left her. I finally got inside the real world she’s living in so she decided to shut down anything and everything that connected us and just walked away.
She decided to walk and it eventually lead her to running away from… I don’t know… everything? She decided to turn her back on the things that mattered because… I don’t know… she’s not used to it?
My times with her were the most beautiful and memorable times of my life. Watching her work, watching her write, waiting for her to smile, waiting for her to stop… those were the things I loved doing. She gave me happiness and she didn’t even have to try. She showed me the way and she didn’t even have to lead. She taught me things and she didn’t even have to speak.
Her eyes… those deep, chinky, mango-shaped eyes… when they look at you, they give you this utter feeling of mixed sadness and gratefulness, of incompleteness and completeness. Her lips… those soft, kissable lips… when they touch yours, you can’t help but feel the intense electricity as having promised with an eternal life. Her skin… her smooth skin… when you look closer and deeper into her skin, you’ll see and understand the scars of life she hides. And her self… her precious yet weak and fragile self… the container of the ever good and ever brilliant being… the one that made me happy… the one that I loved and hopefully loved me back… the one that I held my arms around for a while… the one that I carefully touched… the one that left me with no goodbye… the one that broke my heart… the one that made me go crazy… the one that I miss… the one that I really miss.
People never notice it but she’s the kind of girl who’s willing and ever-ready to do anything just for the sake of the thrill, the experience, the feelings. She’s the kind of girl who’ll walk thru hell just to get the heavenly feeling of what she believes in, not knowing that what she steps on and where she stand amidst is hell and only hell and nothing more. She’s the kind of person who’s willing to dive into a pool of danger and swim in it, not really thinking about getting out of it at all. She is, as sad as it really sounds to me, the kind of girl who would harm herself because she could.
Maybe it wasn’t really love I felt for her. Maybe it was something more. Maybe I was threatened. Maybe I got scared. Maybe I needed her. Maybe I needed her to be strong. Maybe I wanted her to be strong. Maybe I needed to be strong. Maybe it wasn’t really love. Maybe it was more than that. It was more than love. It was. It is.
Je suis ici. Je suis toujours ici. Always.
Ici, je suis de nouveau… seul… et vous attend. Toujours plein d’espoir etattendent désespérément pour vous.
